Small and Unfleating

Sometimes I forget that it’s the simple things that tend to mean the most.

Things like rediscovering a good song, spending time with a good friend, or channeling my inner creative side all over canvas (a new and current obsession of mine). It’s the fact that life is made up of all the little moments like those. The things that break routine just enough to make us stop and realize how beautiful everything is.  Its like the big moments are just to fill up space and  give the little ones a boost so to speak.

My overall favorite moments may be spurred from a bigger event, but the moments themselves are small.

Moments like:

Coming down the escalator at an airport to be greeted by smiling faces of my family

Having my puppy fall asleep in my lap

Peddle boating with my brother

Riding go carts with my cousins when I was little

Falling asleep in a hammock

Driving down the road with windows down and good song on

Going to breakfast with my Grandma

Eating cheesecake 

These moments are the ones I hold in high thought,

they are the ones that hold deep meaning and value

in reality they are small, but the my so much. 

Counting down days...

Today is one of those days when I realize how fast time goes by. When I realize that in a mere 256 days I’ll graduate and this chapter of my life will be finished, and a new one will begin…

And while I know the next one will be a beautiful time of my life, it’s odd to think that’ll I’ll be surrounded by new people, and that goodbyes will become a harsh and unavoidable reality.

Yet, it’s also a time when I realize how happy I am with where I am right now.

 That I’m a so blessed by the people that surround me daily.
That theirs are the faces that I’ll remember these days by.
 That they have walked beside me through this time.
That I am so pleased by the choices we have made, by the way we have decided to conducted ourselves, and how we have lived or lives.

It’s one of those times when I am so glad I chose into these friendships, that I chose to be part of that group, that I can’t imagine being anything else.

Maybe it comes from us standing around laughing hysterically about virtually nothing. Or by realizing that at the core, we have the same heart.

Looking back these past years have taken us all through so many different things, taken us different places, and to different people, but in the end, we all ended up back in the same place wanting nothing but to be back in a place where we’re not only accepted but wanted.  

So here’s to you guys, to the ‘one’s who truly matter’ and have been there along. Here’s to our last chapter, and making it the best one yet. Here’s to all the laughs, tears, ups and downs that will come along with. Here’s to making there next 256 days, the “Best days of our lives…”

"Free at last free at last! Praise God almighty, I am free at Last!"

But really. Freedom is here! This is freedom, well at least what freedom means to me...

Freedom is playing with baby goats?Could Be!

To me freedom is walking in heavenly authority

Freedom in having an identity based on the words of my Daddy, not based on who the world says I am

Freedom is knowing that I am called to be part of the Kingdom, and part of building that Kingdom on earth
Freedom is knowing who I am and walking in that
Freedom is constantly surrendering my sins, my wants, and my desires to be who my Daddy created me to be
Freedom is being bold
Freedom is being fearless in the face of fear
Freedom is knowing that there is NOTHING that I can’t do
Freedom is NEVER being alone
Freedom is embracing community
Freedom is smiling and worshiping through the crappiest situations
Freedom is knowing that better days are yet to some
Freedom is worshiping my heart out
Freedom is declaring truths over myself and others
Freedom is hearing the voice of the Lord
Freedom is being a leader
Freedom is choosing to love
Freedom is allowing myself to feel
Freedom is beautiful
Freedom is believing with every bit of myself that the God I worship, the God I serve, the God I follow is real, and true and that His hear for me is good always, and that He loves me!

 

 

Mark Twain Said it Best

View From my room in San Juan, Guatemala '10

Swazi. Sunset



  “Twenty years from now you will be disappointed by the things you didn’t do than the ones you did. So throw off the bow lines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” -Mark Twain

 

    This is something I deeply desire to do. I want to see world. I want to go where ever the wind blows me, or where the spirit leads me. I want to look back on my youth and smile because I took the opportunity to explore, because I took a risk.

A waterfall in Kenya's Great Rift Valley

Santa Maria Guate. after a heavy rain

So go against what the ‘world’ says in normal

Venture

See the world
Do something crazy
Go someplace new
Someplace uncharted
Live someplace new, even of for a few weeks
Hike to water falls
Watch the sun set from a different hemisphere
Fall asleep to the sound of rain on a tin roof
See the night sky from a new place
So let’s go. Let’s explore. Let’s see the world. Let’s be changed by beautiful views, and loving people.
 “This true difference in me now: I had these experiences, these tales, more of this life. So maybe it wasn't the fairy tale. But those stories weren't real anyway. Mine were.”
― Sarah Dessen, Along for the Ride

Starting at The End

Senior year!

Sophmore year, full circle, reunited

Yes, I really am writing a blog about my last year of high school. About the last year before I enter the world. The last year of being surrounded by people I have know most of my life. The year that is built up to be oh so amazing. Yes, I really am writing about it.

Because it really is the end of a chapter. It’s where the stories of the 7 people below will part ways, and its where we realize the value of the relationships, yet how fleeting they can be.



Senior Year, here we come!

So may we remember

all the stressed out AP study parties
the annoying Spanish teacher that reunited us
the stupid jokes
the maddness of powderpuff week
the tears we shed to each other
the sporting events we supported each other at
and the countdown to this  very day

 And may that just be the start of it. Here’s to friends that pulled my though and awful Junior year. Who cried when I left for the summer. Who held me through sickness, and tried to understand me. Who laughed, and cried with me. Here’s to the ones who have been there since freshmen year, since 5^th grade, since middle school, or from as far back as I can remember. 

This is it! Our last year together, so here’s to the BEST ONE YET!

And a VERY VERY necessaary walk throught the past few years....

Waking me up at 6am to make pudding. Really?

When we went to Jr. Prom. Another night of growing as frinends

Me, Mckenna, 80s day. Normal?

Flash a Smile And Capture the Moment

     A photograph allows one to step back in time and actually see a moment of their past, good or bad, a picture proves that moment happened. One of my favorite picture shows me and one of the girls I traveled to Swaziland with looking semi grungy posing with the head of a dead animal. These two girls are ending an amazing journey, together; they overcame language barriers, became the people they were intended to be, over came many obstacles, and were victorious through it all. However by simply looking you wouldn’t know this; "…you could never really know what you were seeing with just a glance, in motion, passing by. Good or bad, right or wrong. There was always so much more." (Sarah Dessen in Just Listen)

     The days and weeks before this picture was taken changed my life so dramatically that I don’t recognize who I was before. I thought I was learning to stand on my own, learning to let go of everything and be a new creation, but I was oh so wrong. I learned that there is no such thing as standing on your own, you simply “rest in God’s strength and take it on as your own.”(Lizzie Parrish), I learned everyone is same yet very different; but most importantly I learned that your past matters, it shapes you into who you are; I learned that the little moments, can have lasting impact, and that laughter truly is the key joy.

      Remembering everything about this day would be next to impossible; however this captured moment spurs memories of  moments and conversation that enlightened my life. I always felt the need to be strong, the need to be everything everyone wanted or expected me to be.  This friend didn’t meet me until a month before this picture was taken, and wanted nothing from me except to know me and become close to me. Knowing I didn’t need to be a certain way allowed me to be exactly who I am: strong, broken, wise, incorrect and so much more.

    The ability to see something rather than just look at it allows all new meanings to come to life. I am now able to see things for what they are, rather than look at them how I want them to be. I look at this picture and see that though it’s posed it shows who we were as friends, and who we are as individuals. It clearly reflects the time we spent together, learning who we are and how we fit in the world. There’s so much more to everything than meets the eye.

   If you were to see this picture its silliness may put a smile on your face, or you may wonder where it was taken, but, without knowing the stories of the girls, the pictures magic is lost.  By looking at it you wouldn’t know that one of the girls is facing fears and overcoming lies that have held her back, or one is just trying to discover who she is and where she belongs. You can never see the story taking places before and after the flash of a camera, "…the picture is always changing, makes a statement about how time is always passing. It doesn't really stop, even in a single image. It just feels that way."(Sarah Dessen The Truth About Forever) This picture simply displays a single moment when two stories intersected and paused for the flash of a camera.

Here's to Cahos

A few days ago I was sent a link to a magazine article all about why one should travel at a young age, and it kinda rocked my world!

 (Read the article here! http://convergemagazine.com/featured/travel-young/)

 The article REALLY hit home to me, like why stay here, why live in a way I can for the rest of my time on earth when I have this time, this calling, this opportunity?

I don’t want to look back on life someday and regret not going, not seeing the world.

I want to recklessly abandon the world, and live radically! 

      There’s more of a reason more of a purpose behind my life! So why not tap into that, or moreover, embrace it, live it, declare it, walk boldly into it!

Because I was created for this!
Every experience I have is training for whatever God is calling me into next, and EVERY past experience allows me to handle what the next one throws at me!

      So I’m going to travel young, I’m going to see the world. I’m going to love the least of these, I’m going to walk in and embrace my authority. I’m going to learn to be a leader. I'm going to be changed. I’m going to embrace the crazy calling that has been placed on my life! I’m going to continue to say “YES!” to whatever crazy thing that God asks me to do next.

     So here’s to going, to being the change, to living what you believe! Here’s to striving for not just being content and NEVER getting comfortable. Here’s to breaking away and going someplace just to love and be loved. Here’s to the chaos that follows. Here’s to answering the ‘scary questions’ and loving whatever comes with it. Here’s to saying yes, whatever the cost!

*Photo Credit to my Kenya Team

Walking by Words

When I headed off to Kenya, I left you with this….

 And I walked into the unknown clinging to words…

"...And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."



Talk about serving someone...

    I left you with a quote that comes back to my constantly, and one that explains my time spent on the field so very well.

Because I learned what it means to love…
Sickness struck my team time and time again, and I learned to love. I loved people at their lowest, loved through the night, through the vomit and hospital runs. Loved through being angered with me for making them eat cliff bars, or drink water, or stay upright.

God showed me how to love.

I wish I could tell you of one moment, one moment when God showed up and something crazy happened, or revealed something profound to me…

    But I can’t. This moment never passed…
Instead I had many moments,

 …moments when I was told why I was there…

“To serve people in a way the world doesn’t understand”

...moments when I learned that…
“You were created to live this life”

….moments when God showed me that…

“With Me, there is NOTHING you can’t handel.”

SO as I walked through what goes down as the  craziest month of my life, I walked by words…
Words from my Daddy guiding me through EVERY moment, telling me to keep going, keep loving, keep striving to be more like Him.

Words from loved ones, telling my they loved me, this was right for me, that they were praying.

Words rang in my head, telling me that I was doing the right thing, that I could take all that was being thrown at me, and reminding me that nothing Satan did could break me, because I am a WARRIOR for Christ. And above all I was on His side.

Kenya was wonderful, Kenya was hard, Kenya was beautiful, Kenya was exactly what I needed.

So as I continue to process the past month, I’ll leave you with this excerpt from my journal…

Inspired by Romans 8:15-17….

I have not been adopted into a spirit of slavery or sin! I have been adopted into glory!

Declare it! I will!

Emily is NOT a slave to….



Lie's, Expectations, Ect. were laid down, surrendured and burnt

Sin                                 Darkness

Expectations                  Flesh

Confusion                      Homesickness

Distractions                   The Past

Failure                           Fear

Hatred                           Flashbacks

Anxiety                         Her Desires

NO, EMILY HAS BEEN ADOPTED INTO GLORY!

EMILY WILL LIVE IN THE MOMENT

EMILY WILL WALK IN HER HEVANLY AUTHORITY

EMILY IS…

Forgiven          Enough            Royalty
A Daughter     Fearless           Beautiful
Joyful              Excited            FREE
Winner            Hopeful           Loved
Beloved           Chosen            Strong
Brave               Conqueror       Alive

Emily is world bound…

Emily is a royal heir to the Kingdom of Heaven!

 And theses words…I cling to, these words I walk by!
*Phot credit to Kenya Team

Kenya Believe It?

Kenya Believe It?

I sure can’t. After nine months of fundraising praying and stressing it’s almost time for Africa!

Let’s relive the journey shall we?

 Upon returning home from my previous missions trip last summer I felt out of place, like I was 1,001 piece to a 1,000 piece puzzle. And I prayed that God would allow me to go another AIM trip so I could belong again. I wanted to go to Guatemala, because that’s where my heart is.

 But God said no, He said Kenya, and I fought it!

So when I tried to apply to Kenya he kicked me off the web page, and same for every trip other than Kenya. When I clicked on Kenya, I was sent directly to my profile and logged in and applied for the trip.(Freak computer error? I think NOT) so I complied, you can’t argue with that!

And within days, I was all about Kenya, and my heart kept growing and growing! It’s all I could think about! Kenya was right for me!

 So I began to fundraise, and it was slow at best! As of a month ago I had $2,000 and still needed about $2,600! Yikes! I was anxious, stressed and being told to look into other trips. But through it all I knew I was being tested. I knew that God wanted me in Kenya, and if I believe that He wanted me there, He would get me there.

AND HE DID!

In less than a week, I had the money on it’s way to me and was provided for! My faith was tested and God grew me from it.

This journey was crazy! Full of joy, and laughs, and many tears, lot’s of crying out to God! And it’s this journey that has ,me able to be going to do God’s work.

So to all my friends who I ranted to, THANKYOU for listening.
All those who believed in what God was doing and supported though prayer THANKYOU.

To all those who supported finically THANKYOU, you made this happen!

To me Swazi. team, THANKYOU for helping me become who I am today, and ALWAYS being there for me, you provide laughs and memories that pulled me through.

Lastly…
To my new Kenya team who went through the same thing, READY, SET, HERE WE GO!

So I leave you with this…

"...And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."

Falling Faithless

     The past four years and past months especially, I have learned that fundraising for missions trips is an emotional and spiritual roller coaster. There comes a point when it seems to have gone stagnant, and all hope seems to be lost. Then something happens, something that reminds me why I’m doing this, something that relights the fire.       It’s that point when I realize that things are not in my hands, and most defiantly not in my timing.
     It’s the point when I accept that I was falling faithless, and the point where I crawl back and stop falling.
     It’s putting the truth to the saying that God responds to the desperate cries of His children, that He picks them up time and time again. That He will teach them the same lesson over and over(or for the fourth time).
He has given me this calling, this mission, this heart. And He WILL put it into action.

   Sooo, with that being said,

 Wreck me for your purpose

Break me for your will
Let me be your hands and feet
Show me your world
Give me your heart and your eyes
Let me understand your will
Hear your voice
And speak your words
Fill me with your spirit
Here I am…SEND ME

I Call it...

    ...Passion
    

      It’s weird for me to sit here and think back, back on my first trip, back to ’08, back to Mexico. That truly is what started it all. Mexico lead to Guatemala, which lead back to Mexico, which lead back to Guatemala and introduced AIM. It was one of my Guatemala leaders who pushed me to go to Swazi. and Swazi. that is leading to Kenya. And at the root of it all, is passion.

     Because God’s passion lead to me, and I in turn gained a passion for Him. That passion for Him turned to people, which turned to the world, which comes back to His will.

    It’s following His will that takes me to amazing places and allows me to be His hands and His feet.

    It’s passion that makes things happen. Passion is, in the end, the root of my life.

    It’s passion that has me sitting on my bedroom floor dreaming of Africa. Thinking about how wonderful it is to be pumbled, cuddled and climbed by children. Children with AIDS and TB, ring worm and scabies, malnourished and with worms, children thought to be “the least of these”. Children with blinding smiles and twinkling eyes, full of joy and eager to love and be loved. Children that have nothing earthly yet seem to have it all. They have Jesus, and passion for Him, full of more faith, joy, tears, and love than I could ever begin to convey. Yet it is that unexplainable passion that I so deeply desire! It’s the passion I have witnessed from those God has allowed me to ‘minister’ to that keeps me going, and their faith that has allowed me to have the attitude that the sickness I have come home with “could have been worse”.

     So it is passion that keeps me going back. Passion that allows me to desire to live in “radical” ways. Maybe it truly is a passion, and maybe it’s something bigger, more spiritual, maybe, it’s something more than I can imagine…

Once Upon a Sunset...

Once upon and African sunset I wrote…

     God, I’m done. There is nothing left for me to give these children. My love has all been given, my spirit broken by what I have seen. My whole body aces and I don’t have the strength to pick up another child and cover them in prayer. I can no longer keep my guard up, watching not only my back, but the backs of my team! I can’t be aware of my actions and how they offend or blend into the culture. I can’t wear this skirt for another second! The spiritual heaviness is wearing me down! The chickens and goats are making me want to scream! If I have to eat another bowl of oatmeal, or beans and rice, or eat pop (boiled cornmeal bleh) I will in fact fast for the rest of the month! All I want is to sleep, sleep for hours!

     As I finished writing this dinner was ready and I faced my beans and rice. and pressed on, still weak. Before I could cry to a teammate and tell them all these things we began our nightly worship time. And in that instant I was revived. God assured me that I would be able to face the rest of the month because…

    He was not done! He had plenty of love for me to give away on his behalf. He healed my sprit, and allowed me to focus on beauty. He gave me strength to press on and hold children and drench them in prayer. He notified that it was not my job to watch out for my team, He had that down already, and as for cultural things, He would make it effortless. And the skirt, well I had to suck it up. He reminded me that the spiritual heaviness lifted as we worshiped. He deafened me to the animal sounds, for a time at least. He made me so hungry that anything I ate was wonderful because it was food. And lastly, He gave me an abundance of energy!

     The beautiful thing about this isn’t that I made it through without too big of an outward breakdown. The point is that this was just one of many times that God came in and took over, as soon as I surrendered to Him. This is what He does! He saves, comforts, loves, protects and restores us. Cool right?

So once upon a Californian sunset I cried out AGAIN!

     And he reminded me of that time, under the beautiful sky, and told me not to worry. So as of now, I will no longer worry about things such as…

• What if my leaders aren’t ‘as amazing’ this time
• What if my team doesn’t bond
• What if I don’t raise all my money
• What if What if What if! The list goes on and on and on

And He is just waiting, saying “Emily, relax, surrender these worries to me! I have it under control. I called you to this, and I am walking you there, but not leaving, I will walk alongside you through it ALL!”

“Now may the LORD of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The LORD be with you all.” 2 Thessalonians 2:12

There is Nothing to Fear.

“There is nothing to fear, but fear itself.”

…That sounds nice. It’s a pretty thought.

What about “There is nothing to fear, for God has all things planed.”

 Now that’s what I call a pretty thought.

I wish I could say that I’m am totally fearless for Christ, that he says “Hey Emily, go do_____” and I say “Ok!” with a pretty smile on my face and just GO, but that’s not true.

There are so many times when I fight it, or don’t want to go. When I let fears hold me back, when I hand the enemy a victory.

But I’m human, and that’s no excuse, but it’s an explanation.

However, recently God said “Emily go to Kenya.”

I said “but God, I want to go to Latin America!”

But I ironically remembered at that moment that I had surrendered to God locations, that I would go where HE wants me, not where I want me.

But did I give up? No.

So what did He do? He made it so I couldn’t even look into going someplace other than Kenya. Not only did he shut the door, but he locked it, and destroyed the key!

But that’s not all. He changed my heart.

He made me desire to go to Kenya, to go back to Africa. Made my heart line up with His.

He made it me desire His will be done, He told me to “go into all the world and make disciples of every nation, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.” (Matthew 28:19).

So I will go!

But I am afraid.

Afraid to

• Give my heart away again
• Build relationships, then leave
• Have my heart broken for His purpose
• Have culture shock in my own country
• Be looked at as weird or different

When it comes down to it, these all seem really petty.

Especially when God is calling, because that’s one call I can’t ignore.

So fears ALL pushed aside, and I will go

“Here I am LORD, send me!”

“Break my heart for what breaks yours!”

“Eliminate my comfort zone!”

“Make me who you desire me to be”

“LORD I am yours!”

Psalm 34;4 “I sought the LORD and he answered me, He delivered me from all my fears.”